June 11, 2011

Under African Skies

Posted in Life as I live it, Uncategorized at 5:24 pm by A Witty Fool

I am trying to compile a group of essays by and about the African female, on what life is, and what life is about for them. .. US. The only stories out there about African women are mostly written by African males, or by foreigners looking into to our culture and into our lives and telling us what they see and/or what we are.  So why don’t WE, tell OUR stories?

 This is not a collection of short stories, but a collection of our ideas, our ideals, our perspectives, our visions, our beliefs and especially our experiences and how they are all coloured by our identities and cultural conditioning, i.e, how does the world look and feel to you being both AFRICAN and FEMALE.

This is a project that has been dear to me for a while, sadly, I haven’t been getting a great response to the feelers that I have been putting out and even the few responses that I have received so far, have rarely been up to par or along the lines that I had in mind, so I am taking another tact and YOU guys are it.

 Currently tittled: Under African Skies: African women tell their truth about loving, laughing and living. It can be serious minded or tongue firmly in cheek, about any topic from world issues like Obama and Osama to not so grand topics like Hair care. Sex, Motherhood, friendship, travel, relationships, marriage, education, school, etc, no topic is too big, small or insignificant. The only requirement is that, you talk about how your life or view in this aspect of life is coloured by you being African AND female.

I have the ida of breaking the essaying into sections like:

On Love and Marriage (or being Single)

On Politics

On Family (Parenthood, Childhood, Sibling relations). et

Now to the IMPORTANT stuff. MONEY. Sadly, I can make no promises or guarantees regarding monetary compensation, as I will be self-publishing and promoting. However, if any real profit is made, I will endeavor to spread it around as fairly as possible.

Any and ALL submissions, should be sent to: SubmitSkies@yahoo.com and should be accompanied by a short biography about the author, including country of origin and current residence and any other personal information you wish to add.

Submissions will be accepted until the end of December 2011 after which I will get into assembling the final drafts, etc.

If you have any questions, concerns, ideas for promotion, etc, please email me, also at: SubmitSkies@yahoo.com

Or drop me a comment at: www.awittyfool.wordpress.com

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January 21, 2011

Versatile AND Stylish….. Me?!

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:18 pm by A Witty Fool

So, I was recently awarded the “Versatile and STylish” award by both LucidLilith AND Mamuje. Considering that these are two very prolific and interesting blogggers, I have to say, I am quite flattered. So, in accepting this award, I have to say Seven things about myself and nominate Fifteen people for the V.and.S award.

So for my Seven things:

1. I read alot. … and I mean ALOT! I currently own eXactly 427 books, but that is only because I gave 223 to libraries and charities around my home when I was moving out of the country for a few years some time ago.  it HURT!

2. Like LucidLilith, I HATE crying. When I do it or feel like doing it, I always think it is a waste of a real and strong emotion that I could be using to motivate myself. When others do it, all I see is not so subtle manipulation. (dat probably doesn’t say much about my perception os others.)

3. I am sensitive. Now, that does not mean I will cry if you call me fat and ugly. (I would Kick your freaking ass, but… I digress!) No, I mean that I am super sensitive to emotions and auras. I can almost see them in colour. You know how people say “I saw Red” when they get angry? I can actually see the red around an angry person, the sky blue around a cool person, the deep purple around a person with intergrity. … yeah, I know. I sound crazy.

4.  I am quiet. Very quiet. I rarely speak. Like the crying thing, I’d rather save my energy, especially if I dont have something constructive or positive to say.

5.  I love being in love.  The rush of excitment, happiness, etc. I fall in very quickly, sadly, I have pretty HIGH expectations from people, so I tend to fall out just as fast. ( Reason Numero Uno, why I am currently single.)

6.  I didn’t realize that this would actually be hard to do. I can NOT think of seven things to say about myself. Sad AND scary!

7. I am a Gemini. I always say I don’t believe in that Zodiac signs and I don’t. the Predictions usually are utter rubbish, but the character descriptions of the Gemini female, especially the bit about being two distint people in one head (twins, get it?) seem to fit me to a T.  

Thank y’all for dropping by and thanX LL and M’je for the award. and since I do NOT KNow fifteen people, let’s see what I can rangle up:

My nominees for Versatile and stylish are:

Lucidlilith: because I love your blog and because your blog about Lilith which was the first one I ever read really made an impression.

GoodNiajaGirl: because I really do think she is awesome and Fun and alot like me. (not sure why)

Mamuje: because she is nuts! (mostly) but also pretty versatile

Kay.9: for being friendly and Funny

Faith B:  because she is pretty cool, for a person who lives in my computer, but also because anyone who loves Supernatural is a true love of mine and obviously has great taste as well.

J.A.M: even though she NEVER reads my blog or leaves me comments.

Doll: because she alwasy reads my blog and leaves me comments.

and …. em….. ok. thats it. like I said I dont really know 15 people / blogs. I really need to come online more often.

January 14, 2011

Getting to “YES”

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:39 pm by A Witty Fool

NO, this is NOT a blog on how to get your girl / man to say “Yes” to your proposal.

So, I was on my way to check out this new supposedly hip new Jazz bar that my sister had told me about. She had heard about it from a friend of hers and we had all been hyped up all week looking forward to some good food, great music and of course, the alcohol, when about half way there, we had to turn back around and head not to another bar/club/party …. even heading back home would have been pretty great too. No, we had to run around and head off to the hospital. The friend, M, who had told my sister about the Jazz bar, had just been run over by a truck.

She had passed on the night out, choosing to go grocery shopping and then home for a night of quiet alone time, when some bastard (Yes, dats what I called him… and I AM being polite!) who was texting, while driving. (SERIOUSLY! a grown ASS man! texting! … while driving! as they say in Nigeria .. Agbaya!) ran her down. Luckily, she was not killed. Unluckily,….. she got run over by a freaking truck! She is in the hospital and faces months and maybe even years of physical theraphy before she can regain full .. everything.

and ‘Yes’, I am just selfish enough to make this about me. I am not the most adventurous of people. Yeah, I like to travel and see new places, but that is the extent of my sense of adventure. When I am at home, I am a homebody, going no where, doing nothing. I like the peace and quiet, yes, but of course, I know that there is so much more to life than what is in my head or in my books.

Atropos the Fate was kind to let M. off when only almost all her bones broken, but she (Atropos) is not always so kind. For seeming so permanent and so strong, life is about as fragile as anything can get and Atropos can bring it to a short, swift end at any given time.

This is why, as the new year begins and everyone buckles down to make their resolutions for the year, I have decided to forgo all of the usual suspects in Resolution making.

Do I want to lose weight? Sure, but I will not resolve to. it hasn’t worked for the past ten years, so why bother, anymore?!

Do I want to become a better person? Not really. Truth is, the whole ‘nasty Bitch’ thing has always worked for me. (LOL. I kid of course. I am a saint!)

So, what am I going to do this year? … Here it is… I am going to say “YES!”

“YES” to anything everything!

Every invite: to a party, drinks, dinner, movies, sledding, business plan/ investment, and even (… hold your breathe) … Bunge jumping!

Yes, I know that I am still black and black folks don’t bunge jump (LOL), but you know something, it is time to shake things up! Loosen up! do something stupid!

and when I say stupid, I mean like… real… STOOPID!

Why? because life is so short

and because one day you can and the next you can’t! M. loved to live it up. Travel, have fun, adventures, life: SHe lived it as best she could and now, because of some grown ass-texting while driving-bastard of a man, she can’t do any of it any more. At least not for a while.

So, you have to ask yourself, what is it, that I can do now, that I am putting off? and what if when the time comes I am not able to do it, even if it is due to something as ordinary as old age?  I don’t know what that answer is for you. Shoot, I dont know what that answer is for me, so I am going to be looking to find it… EVERYWHERE. So, I will be agreeing to go, do, see, and say YES to anything!

and to prove that I am seriously going to at least try, I have just said my first “Yes”. Sadly, it is not to a proposal from Jensen Ackles (SERIOUSLY, you NEED to watch SUPERNATURAL if you are not!). No, I have said “Yes” to an invitation to go “Snow Tubing.” What Xactly is SNow tubing, you ask? I don’t know for sure, I hear it involves sitting inside a plastic tube ad being shoved off a snow capped mountain. … …  …  …

I hear Screams in my future!

December 28, 2010

For Iggy and Carla.

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:27 pm by A Witty Fool

While I was in the UK some time ago, I used to be truly amused by the fact that Americans and the British really are separated by a common language. First time I walked in a restaurant for breakfast, I could NOT for the life of me, figure out what the waitress was talking about when she offered me “Bangers and Mash”. I swear, I thot she was making some kinda fresh lesbian joke. I know; I am NOT a sophisticate.

Anyhoo, it became a running joke between myself and a friend (shout out Iggy!). She tried to explain Bangers and Mash to me, as well as that whole Beans baked in Tomato sauce (ewww!) thing. While I tried to Xplain to her why Americans are so into the whole “Bling-bling” thing and call their boy/girl friends “Boo.” That whole “Pookie” and “June Bug” nick-name thing, totally killed her with laughter and she made me promise to send her cans of Boston Baked Beans, baked in barbeque sauce (or honey sauce for the more discerning palate) which I am sure EVERYONE knows is the ONLY way to bake beans.

So, we (myself, Iggy and our girl Carla- Hi!) were joking around one day, when I promised them that upon returning to the US of A, I would go to the most American of Breakfast joints I could find and order a meal of “Bangers and Mash.” Unfortunately, I have not been able to keep my promise to send them the baked beans, so I was really inspired to at least try to keep this whole breakfast order thing. … Plus, this sounded like so much more fun.  So, the other day, I recruited my younger sister, who is ALWAYS up for some joke and we cruised on over to some small road side bistro around the way.  After the waiter came over, I asked, in my best imitation of an English accent (which is NOT any good at all):

Me: two cups of tea please.

Waiter: Tea? Ai’ght. What’s for breakfast today?

Me: Bangers and Mash?

My sister: and some Kippers as well, if you please,

The look on his face was PRICELESS!!!

Waiter: em…. We don’t serve none of that stuff.

Me:  “you don’t? goodness! What DO Americans have for breakfast then?”

Waiter: “well, we got eggs, scrambled or whatever, sausages, bacon, hash browns, omelet’s, pancakes, waffles, all kinds of cereal and the like.”

My sister: “goodness. All of that, but no Kippers?”

Me: “or bangers and mash for that matter.”

Waiter: (with a look on his face that said we were doing the moonwalk on his VERY LAST NERVE!) “Well, we might have them, do you know what they are called in English?”

Me: but we are speaking in English!

Waiter: “Well, in American then, Bitch!” (okay, so he didn’t SAY Bitch, but he was totally thinking it!! I swear!)  

Sadly, I could go no further, I burst into laughter.

Waiter: Ma bad, ok? It’s just, this is Boston, we stopped all of that Tea mess around the same time as the Revolutionary War, so we drink Coffee not Tea and when we say Football, we mean Tom Brady, not the Spicey girl’s husband.

My sister fell into laughter as well before saying in her most American accent: “ai’ght then dude. Can I get some scrambled eggs, with bacon and hash browns?”

Me:  “ and I’ll have a steak omelet.

Waiter: (eyes us both nastily) “y’all need to take that mess someplace else.”

It was all in good fun, but it was way too early in the morning to be messing with someone who has to spend the day on their feet for minimum wage. He probably sneezed in our food!

 I promised him a bigger tip if he could say that his name was: Pookie, June-Bug or Ray-Ray. Sadly, he couldn’t.

Oh, the things we do for friends!

July 29, 2010

Water ways

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:29 pm by A Witty Fool

“Relax and just trust me” 

He said as he shoved me down on my back, his hands cradling my shoulders. I felt my back hit the soft bed of water and tensed up.

I didn’t trust him.  I knew he would let go sooner or later, he would let go and leave me to sink or swim alone in these shallow? yes and chartered? yes, but still, its a body of water and unfammilliar territory.

I didn’t trust him, couldnt even trust myself enough to allow myself the luxury of relaxation, so when he let go …. which seemed inevitable…. I tensed up and sank…. deep, deep, deep down tot he bottom of the very shallow end of the pool.

I am taking swimming lessons.

This was my second lesson.

On my first lesson, we learned to breathe, bobbing in and out of the water. Inhaling before you dive in and only exhaling inside the water. Apparently, inhaling under water, is NOT  a good idea. .. who knew?! ..A few times to begin, I reversed the process and inhaled, or tried to inhale under water… after all of those times, I rose to the water surface, sputtering and spewing, trying to dislodge chlorine treated H2O from my abused lungs, belly and eyes. Fun!

My second lesson, was on floating. Relax, let go, and trust the instructors not to let you drown, but mostly, and eventually, you have to trust the water not to suck you in. None of which would have been a problem, if not for the small issue of ‘TRUST’.

Like I may have previously mentioned, I barely trust myself. I question my own motives, eye my decisions with suspicion (they might come back to bite me in the butt) and hesitate to follow my instints on occassion. So trusting some crazy guy who has me standing, half naked in a giant size pool, is….. unlikely.. to happen.

And so for trusting the water?…. please! I grew up in Delta state, Nigeria, surrounded by Rivers and Streams and Ponds .. oh my!.. so I know all about bodies of H2O, acting up and sucking up some innocent sucker who waded in trustingly. I also know about Mami-wata and if you think (!) for one second dat I am going to trust the water and wade in so that some mami-wata can carry me away like some voluntary sacrifice …… like my girl M’je used to say: “make Shango, Shango you!”

I can trust the water when my feet are planted firmly on solid ground… preferably a few feet from the water.

I can trust John.. my swim instructor… when my feet are planted firmly on solid ground, again, preferably away from the water.

So, needless to say, I am having a bit of a problem learning how to swim.

July 15, 2010

Randomness..

Posted in Life as I live it, Uncategorized at 7:16 pm by A Witty Fool

I have been one (offline) for quite a while. This is due to the fact that my personal laptop is on the fritz and my internet connection is shoddy. however, it is mostly due to the fact that I totally forgot that I had a blog. FORGOT! Makes it sound like I have better things to do, don’t it? Sadly, ‘sounds’ can be decieving. Just some randomness here and there. nothing eXciting.

On Me Vs. Nature:  I went for a walk and soak up a little bit of Sun, just becauz…… well that is whot I do ( after Jose, I should know better, but I dont) and as I stroll, i love to yank on tree branched over head or kick stones and sticks on the ground, you know to break up the monotony of just walking. Anyways, not too long ago, I am walking along, when I see a little piece of stick lying in my way. It was a short stick, only about two feet or so. It was so pretty, smooth and looked like it had just fallen off a tree… green, with patches of brown on it. I like it, so I tried to pick it up. I say ‘tried’ because as I bent down to pick it up, I blocked out it’s Sun, so the ‘stick’ wiggled and moved, trying to gettin to another spot where it could be back in the sun. Turns out, my ‘stick’ was actually a ‘snake‘, sunning itself. Men, oh Men! I jumped, screamed and ran!!!  The snake paid me no mind, simply rolled on to another side and kept on soaking up it’s sun.

SCORE: Nature 1, Moi 0.

On Me Vs. Love:    I recently fell in love again. (yes, for the seventh time this year) with this totallyhot guy at my job. Tall, not so dark, green eyes,  and a dimple on the left check (face check, dont know about his butt checks… yet. hehehehe) So very cute and a bit of a dork. PROBLEM: He is in love (or like) with a cheerleader type girl who works with us. She of course, is Ms. Popular and would not go out with a dork type no matter how cute, so she is aiming for a hook up with Macho Macho Man.. a super arrogant, every girl wants me type of guy, who of course used to be a football player. He is so used to ‘every girl’ wanting him, that he only sets his cap and energy toward the one (or two) girls who do NOT seem to and right now, that seems to be me.

So to recap, the new girl wants the dork, the dork wants the cheerleader, the cheerleader wants the footballer and the footballer wants the fresh meat…. em, I mean… new girl.  Geesh!  We never really get out of high school do we?!

SCORE: Love 1, Me 0.

On Me Vs. Weight Loss:  Four words: Jenny Craig must die! I decided to go on a diet w hile back. I joined a gym, started dieting, walked EVERYWHERE and gave up chocolate. GAVE UP CHOCOLATE! I haven’t eaten chocolate in months. MONTHS!  and with no sexual napalm to numb the pain. months and months of exercise, dieting and NO CHOCOLATE! and I just weighed myself, preparing to celebrate my grand weight loss achievement…. I gained 3 pounds…. gained… GAINED!!

pshiee! So I went out and got me some German double fudge chocolate, chocolate cake…. It was a great day.

SCORE: Weight 3, Me 0.

Like I said, nothing Bloggable happening right now.

May 14, 2010

which would YOU rather have?

Posted in Life as I live it, status, Uncategorized at 7:51 pm by A Witty Fool

Peace or Freedom?

April 25, 2010

What a gip!

Posted in Life as I live it, Uncategorized at 4:20 pm by A Witty Fool

           Okay, so I am stumbling along with my day just the other day, when I stumbled onto a guy, a tall, good-looking, brown-eyed guy, with dimples and a smile that could melt honey (if ever honey needed melting). Implications of burning heat: INTENDED.

            We got to talking and turns out we had a few things in common…. em, okay… One thing, but still, it was a pretty important thing (He likes books too). In addition to being handsome and liking books, he also seemed to be loaded, or at least, pretty comfortable. He had a great job (steady employment is always a plus) and was looking forward to spending his summer weekends at the family home on the Cape. If you live anywhere near here, then you know that “the Cape” means Cape Cod or maybe even Martha’s Vineyard and a summer home on the cape, means that you are at the very least ‘comfortable’…..but I digress.

He smiled, I smiled.

He flirted, I flirted

He said, I … suspected,

… turns out he was married, married young according to him, procreated and remains married due to familial obligations.

He Xplained, I passed.

Later, (not much later honestly, I am not known for my self discipline) I almost, kinda, soughta, a little, regretted passing (seriously, he was FOINE!), but my morals, principles or what ever the bloody hell you wanna call them would not allow me to knowingly begin or even to contemplate starting something with a married man, no matter the condition of the wedded (blissful or not) union. ……

            ….. and to be quite frank, it pissed me the bloody hell OFF! Pissed me off a whole lot! It sucks having morals, good manners and all of that other crap. It makes you walk away from some luscious deal, like enjoying a beautiful summer spending some guy’s money and a possible cape cod beach side vacation, for some stupid reason like.. the ‘sponsor’ is married.

            Yeah, I know that we would have broken up eventually. I mean the guy is married and chances are he was fibbing (ok, so out right lying.. but I am trying to rationalize here) about the state of his union and trying to pull a ‘Tiger’ (Woods, that is), but Tiger’s mistress (that’s old English for: “#1 whore) just got paid $10 million (count with me people….. 1 million, 2 million, 3 million,  FOUR !!! and keep going) to go away. So essentially, home girl just made 10 million American dollars for sleeping around with a guy who she already KNEW to be married!  Jesse James’s Hitler loving chick is apparently now shopping around for her own reality show and asking for millions, while John Edwards baby mama is now getting paid by magazines and TV stations to pose naked, grant interviews and tell the world about how much of a bitch his wife really was and why he HAD to cheat on her.

            My point? if any of these women had any kind of morals or principles of anything, they would NOT now be millions of dollars richer and world famous and ME? I can’t even creep around for a free summer vacation! Talk about getting gipped!

            I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I blame my father! Teaching me to be considerate of others, drilling good manners and honestly into my head, raising me to be a good person…. Talk about some bullshit! I could so totally having be lounging on the Cape this summer!