November 16, 2010

Free Flying

Posted in Life as I live it at 12:47 pm by A Witty Fool

I got off work early on wednesday. Thursday was a holiday (Shout out to ALL the Veterans out there!) and I did myself the small favour of making it an eXtra long weekend, by taking Friday off as well.

Why?  you ask?

well, becuz I was super tired of the Rat race and felt like having some time off, plus, I had earned a few days off work and the eay I was feeling, I needed to take it… in addition to the federal holiday AND the weekend of course. Mostly, though, it was becuz my sister made me an offer, I could not refuse:

A FREE ticket to Vegas. LAS Vegas, that is. America’s play ground, baby!

…… and like most people, at the sound of the word “free”, I forgot the most cardinal of all rules concerning free stuff: “Nothing ever is.” or as they say in Nigeria: “Awoof dey run belle.”

Anyways, I left work early on wednessday, after announcing to ALL and Sundry (‘Sundry’ being EVERY one who would pay me any mind … between my workplace and the airport) that  I was off to Vegas. Las Vegas Bitches! Got to the airport so early that the airline check-in ticket counter was still closed, waited in line for almost an hour to be stripped searched and semi-sexually harrassed … in the name of security … and off to the gate I went.

Waited to be checked in … and got checked in. Waited to be boarded (on to the plane) … and got boarded (on to the plane). Waited for the plane to take off … and waited for the plane to take off…. and waited for the plane to take off …. and … got kicked off the plane!

Why? you ask?

Well, lets go back tot the FREE TICKET part of the story. Why was it a free ticket? becuz my sister works for an airline and so when a flight has seats that are unsold, she and a guest can use those seats ….. so we did. …. or tried to. Until some crazy bastards, decided that THEY too wanted to have an eXtra long weeked, showed up at the airport and at the last possible minute, bought those seats … literarily… out from under us. AND can you believe that the airlines actually gave priority to the passengers that actually PAID for their tickets? I KNOW! I am STILL in shock over that. I have paid for tickets before and I have never been given any kind of priority with an airline before.

Now, there was this Passenger service person at that airline: Carmen Bitch.and.a.half (Now, I would not take it to a bank, or a court or anything, but I swear, this is totally her real last name!) who was supposed to be helpful in assisting us to re-book on the next avaliable flight. She did.. NOT. In her little blue jetting uniform, she was super smug and took way too much enjoyment, in the LITTLE TINY POWER that she had to screw us over. Apparently, in the course of their jobs, she and my sister had had occassion to cross paths and she had come out on the bottom and now? NOW she intended to use her tiny little power on us. Three flights later… count ’em, one, two, THREE, flight later, I resigned myself to the fact that Carmen McBitchy, was going to ruin my perfect long weekend. So, I had to pack up my stuff and head on back home., pissed off and planning all the MANY ways I could take Carmen out!

when at 4am. 4AM! my phone rang. it was my sister. turnes out she had made very many plans for this weekend and No McBitchy was going to stand in her way. So, off i went to the airport… AGAIN! Checked in, stripped and was harrassed. (oh, did I mention that my body lotion  and $95 parfum was confisticated and destroyed? TSA owes me cash!) and then boarded another plane …. to New York. Yeah, I said New York, but the story started in Las Vegas you say? well, it ended there as well, with stopovers in New York and Burbank California. Plus, I got to meet and deat a few rows over from Alec Baldwin and the flight from NY to CA. Sure, it would have been better if it had been a real celebrity, (think: Young and Handsome, like say: Jensen Ackles, or Blair Underwood or Shemar Moore), but I guess thats what you get for a FREE Ticket.