July 29, 2010

Water ways

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:29 pm by A Witty Fool

“Relax and just trust me” 

He said as he shoved me down on my back, his hands cradling my shoulders. I felt my back hit the soft bed of water and tensed up.

I didn’t trust him.  I knew he would let go sooner or later, he would let go and leave me to sink or swim alone in these shallow? yes and chartered? yes, but still, its a body of water and unfammilliar territory.

I didn’t trust him, couldnt even trust myself enough to allow myself the luxury of relaxation, so when he let go …. which seemed inevitable…. I tensed up and sank…. deep, deep, deep down tot he bottom of the very shallow end of the pool.

I am taking swimming lessons.

This was my second lesson.

On my first lesson, we learned to breathe, bobbing in and out of the water. Inhaling before you dive in and only exhaling inside the water. Apparently, inhaling under water, is NOT  a good idea. .. who knew?! ..A few times to begin, I reversed the process and inhaled, or tried to inhale under water… after all of those times, I rose to the water surface, sputtering and spewing, trying to dislodge chlorine treated H2O from my abused lungs, belly and eyes. Fun!

My second lesson, was on floating. Relax, let go, and trust the instructors not to let you drown, but mostly, and eventually, you have to trust the water not to suck you in. None of which would have been a problem, if not for the small issue of ‘TRUST’.

Like I may have previously mentioned, I barely trust myself. I question my own motives, eye my decisions with suspicion (they might come back to bite me in the butt) and hesitate to follow my instints on occassion. So trusting some crazy guy who has me standing, half naked in a giant size pool, is….. unlikely.. to happen.

And so for trusting the water?…. please! I grew up in Delta state, Nigeria, surrounded by Rivers and Streams and Ponds .. oh my!.. so I know all about bodies of H2O, acting up and sucking up some innocent sucker who waded in trustingly. I also know about Mami-wata and if you think (!) for one second dat I am going to trust the water and wade in so that some mami-wata can carry me away like some voluntary sacrifice …… like my girl M’je used to say: “make Shango, Shango you!”

I can trust the water when my feet are planted firmly on solid ground… preferably a few feet from the water.

I can trust John.. my swim instructor… when my feet are planted firmly on solid ground, again, preferably away from the water.

So, needless to say, I am having a bit of a problem learning how to swim.



  1. Mamuje said,

    It will be fun if we take our swimming lessons together someday. It would be a sight to behold. Hohohoh

  2. kay9 said,

    Lol!! Oh my, this was a fun read – reminds me of when i was learning too. I almost drowned o, seriously….
    Really, u JUST hav to let go. it gets easy after that.

    lol@mami-wata; what of papi-wata and broda-i-wata? lwkm!

  3. Jaycee (E.A) said,

    LOLLLLL. The first time I learned how to swim was in Port-HarCourt. The swimming instructor (can’t remember his name) told me to turn upside down to pick up a swimming stick, but I used my leg to get it instead of going all the way down. #Deceitful.

  4. Casey said,

    emmm……. ok oh. weything concern mamiwata, concern swimming pool. I beg go swim my dear

  5. lucidlilith said,

    I actually took two weeks of swimming lessons…by the second week when everyone else was swimming in the deep end, I stubbornly stayed in the shallow end. I dont trust anything to carry me afloat jare.

  6. amen said,

    ejiro you dey craze. mami wata for poooooooooool. but this is really funny.

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