July 29, 2010

Water ways

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:29 pm by A Witty Fool

“Relax and just trust me” 

He said as he shoved me down on my back, his hands cradling my shoulders. I felt my back hit the soft bed of water and tensed up.

I didn’t trust him.  I knew he would let go sooner or later, he would let go and leave me to sink or swim alone in these shallow? yes and chartered? yes, but still, its a body of water and unfammilliar territory.

I didn’t trust him, couldnt even trust myself enough to allow myself the luxury of relaxation, so when he let go …. which seemed inevitable…. I tensed up and sank…. deep, deep, deep down tot he bottom of the very shallow end of the pool.

I am taking swimming lessons.

This was my second lesson.

On my first lesson, we learned to breathe, bobbing in and out of the water. Inhaling before you dive in and only exhaling inside the water. Apparently, inhaling under water, is NOT  a good idea. .. who knew?! ..A few times to begin, I reversed the process and inhaled, or tried to inhale under water… after all of those times, I rose to the water surface, sputtering and spewing, trying to dislodge chlorine treated H2O from my abused lungs, belly and eyes. Fun!

My second lesson, was on floating. Relax, let go, and trust the instructors not to let you drown, but mostly, and eventually, you have to trust the water not to suck you in. None of which would have been a problem, if not for the small issue of ‘TRUST’.

Like I may have previously mentioned, I barely trust myself. I question my own motives, eye my decisions with suspicion (they might come back to bite me in the butt) and hesitate to follow my instints on occassion. So trusting some crazy guy who has me standing, half naked in a giant size pool, is….. unlikely.. to happen.

And so for trusting the water?…. please! I grew up in Delta state, Nigeria, surrounded by Rivers and Streams and Ponds .. oh my!.. so I know all about bodies of H2O, acting up and sucking up some innocent sucker who waded in trustingly. I also know about Mami-wata and if you think (!) for one second dat I am going to trust the water and wade in so that some mami-wata can carry me away like some voluntary sacrifice …… like my girl M’je used to say: “make Shango, Shango you!”

I can trust the water when my feet are planted firmly on solid ground… preferably a few feet from the water.

I can trust John.. my swim instructor… when my feet are planted firmly on solid ground, again, preferably away from the water.

So, needless to say, I am having a bit of a problem learning how to swim.


July 15, 2010


Posted in Life as I live it, Uncategorized at 7:16 pm by A Witty Fool

I have been one (offline) for quite a while. This is due to the fact that my personal laptop is on the fritz and my internet connection is shoddy. however, it is mostly due to the fact that I totally forgot that I had a blog. FORGOT! Makes it sound like I have better things to do, don’t it? Sadly, ‘sounds’ can be decieving. Just some randomness here and there. nothing eXciting.

On Me Vs. Nature:  I went for a walk and soak up a little bit of Sun, just becauz…… well that is whot I do ( after Jose, I should know better, but I dont) and as I stroll, i love to yank on tree branched over head or kick stones and sticks on the ground, you know to break up the monotony of just walking. Anyways, not too long ago, I am walking along, when I see a little piece of stick lying in my way. It was a short stick, only about two feet or so. It was so pretty, smooth and looked like it had just fallen off a tree… green, with patches of brown on it. I like it, so I tried to pick it up. I say ‘tried’ because as I bent down to pick it up, I blocked out it’s Sun, so the ‘stick’ wiggled and moved, trying to gettin to another spot where it could be back in the sun. Turns out, my ‘stick’ was actually a ‘snake‘, sunning itself. Men, oh Men! I jumped, screamed and ran!!!  The snake paid me no mind, simply rolled on to another side and kept on soaking up it’s sun.

SCORE: Nature 1, Moi 0.

On Me Vs. Love:    I recently fell in love again. (yes, for the seventh time this year) with this totallyhot guy at my job. Tall, not so dark, green eyes,  and a dimple on the left check (face check, dont know about his butt checks… yet. hehehehe) So very cute and a bit of a dork. PROBLEM: He is in love (or like) with a cheerleader type girl who works with us. She of course, is Ms. Popular and would not go out with a dork type no matter how cute, so she is aiming for a hook up with Macho Macho Man.. a super arrogant, every girl wants me type of guy, who of course used to be a football player. He is so used to ‘every girl’ wanting him, that he only sets his cap and energy toward the one (or two) girls who do NOT seem to and right now, that seems to be me.

So to recap, the new girl wants the dork, the dork wants the cheerleader, the cheerleader wants the footballer and the footballer wants the fresh meat…. em, I mean… new girl.  Geesh!  We never really get out of high school do we?!

SCORE: Love 1, Me 0.

On Me Vs. Weight Loss:  Four words: Jenny Craig must die! I decided to go on a diet w hile back. I joined a gym, started dieting, walked EVERYWHERE and gave up chocolate. GAVE UP CHOCOLATE! I haven’t eaten chocolate in months. MONTHS!  and with no sexual napalm to numb the pain. months and months of exercise, dieting and NO CHOCOLATE! and I just weighed myself, preparing to celebrate my grand weight loss achievement…. I gained 3 pounds…. gained… GAINED!!

pshiee! So I went out and got me some German double fudge chocolate, chocolate cake…. It was a great day.

SCORE: Weight 3, Me 0.

Like I said, nothing Bloggable happening right now.