May 18, 2010

Youth Envy

Posted in Life as I live it at 10:02 pm by A Witty Fool

Was on the train earlier, sat down next to a small group ( 3 deep) of girls, teenagers, maybe about 14 or 15 year olds. One of the girls was crying. Apparently, she had just been dumped and was completely broken hearted, wailing and lamenting.

“I cant believe he dumped me. I didn’t even do anything! And he didn’t even say why. Oh my God! This is some embarrassing? I love him so much? Why would he break up with me?”

One of her friends tried to console her.

“Its okay Trisha*. He is a jerk and he wasn’t even that cute anyways.”

That didn’t help. Trisha kept on tearing up. “ He is too. He is soo cute! Oh my God, why did he break up with me? Did he say anything to you? I love him so much. What am I gonna do? What if he never speaks to me again? What if I never get another boyfriend like ever again?”

The  other (seemingly more jaded) friend chimed in: “oh, Trisha, you so will! You are so pretty and you are cool too. You so will get another boyfriend.”

Trisha was not consoled: “ but I don’t want another boyfriend. I want Tony*. I love Tony, I could never love anybody else, like EVER!”

I couldn’t help it. I smiled. Now, I am sorry that the girl was broken hearted, but mostly, I felt amusement and something else that I later identified as … envy. I was (SLIGHTLY!) envious of the 15 year old who just got dumped by her first love!!

Now I am not some old woman (see image)  sitting back and watching jealously as the young live life. I realized that what I felt envious of, was the depth and the intensity of that young girl’s emotions, even the sympathy of her friends carried an air of intensity. I can’t not remember the last time, I felt so hurt, so heartbroken, about anything.  I was envious of them because they were feeling their emotions, in that deeply intense way that only the really young ever really do.

I would NOT for all the Tea in China (plus half the Tea in Great Britain as well) want to relive my teenage years. They were great and great fun, however, we grow out of them for a reason. That being said, I do miss some aspects of youth.

For instance, I miss the intensity with which you feel EVERY single thing.  Granted, THIS is more than half of what makes youth so painful, but, it is also the main reason, our teenaged years are the most memorable of our lives. All our senses are super-hyped and our emotions are on overdrive. Every high is high, high, high and every low seems to reach to the very depths of our souls. As a youngster (oh my God, I just said “youngster”!) every love is TRUE and all friendships are FOR LIFE.  Your dreams are so real, so vivid, so close and in such vibrant colors that you do not for a second doubt that all you have to do is reach out forward and grab them. You see your life just the way you want it to be and NOTHING in the world could ever shake your conviction that the life you see for yourself is the eXact one that you are going to get.

I also miss the innocence and the naivety of youth. You know that feeling, where everything is new, interesting, fun, funny, good and true. Sure it leaves you vulnerable, but it also leaves you unencumbered with the restraints that cynicism can place on you. You love, trust and feel with a genuine realness.  As an adult though, trust is shakable, sometimes, very easily so and truth is relative, but in youth, trust is absolute and truth is unwavering. I guess I envied that girl the absolute conviction she had in her love and the eternity of it. I mean, sometimes, I don’t even know if I would recognize love if it walked up and bitch slapped me.

And Faith. Boy do you have faith! In God, in yourself, in your family, in your friends, life, everything! I remember my youngest sister at about six years old, waiting on the front porch. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was waiting for her “doggie”.  Apparently, she had prayed to God to get her a dog and she was waiting for it to show up. … she got the dog, but that is a story for another blog.

Anyways, I got off the train, but not without looking back to the crying girl for one last time. She had made me fall back into the concentrated joys and highs and the extreme lows of first love, and the powerful and seeming eternal bonds of friendships, the way everything had seemed so powerful and HUGE and great and destined. I guess I she just made me miss the intensity of my passions from that time when reality and life had not yet gotten in the way.  I envied her that and I kinda wish I could have told her so. 

This may be what they mean when they say youth is wasted on the young.

* names changed to protect my ass.

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12 Comments »

  1. Christabelle said,

    Lovely post. Made me nostalgic of high school with all the drama, emotions, changes, rumors, tears, broken hearts — and these were s’posed to be some of the the best years of our lives!

    “I mean, sometimes, I don’t even know if I would recognize love if it walked up and bitch slapped me.” — lol, I know right?!

  2. Daylight said,

    Nice post. I don’t think I can remember many of such emotional times when younger. I love and prefer adulthood but sometimes, I wish I could have just a little of the innocence of those times.

  3. Mamuje said,

    Amazing post and well done. I laughed at the point where you said youi would not want to relive your teenage years…. same here…but I sure would love to relive my early Twenties…those were the most fun part of my existence. *sigh*

  4. Casey said,

    My teenage years were great, but like you, I would not want to relive them. I agree with you about how everything is super intense as a teenager, the intensity is definately painful and all over th place.
    and I agree with Daylight too. I wish I could relive or re acquire ‘just a little’ of the innocence of those days.
    nice post by the by.

  5. Doll said,

    I can relate with this totally

  6. A Witty Fool said,

    @Christabelle: “the best times of our lives” dats what they say. doesnt say much about life though does it? lol
    @Daylight and Case: the Innocence is what makes chldhood so open to possibilities. if we could all hang on to a lil’ bit of it as adults, the world would look much better from here.
    @Mamuje: girl, them fit use U’r twenties take do film. lol.
    @Doll: Hello!

  7. Aeedeeaee said,

    I go back to those days sometimes…make that everytime…maybe i hang on a li’l too hard…

  8. kay9 said,

    My teens wasn’t that eventful, mostly cos of the environs i guess. But i agree with the bit about intensity of feelings. I remember rushing home from school to sit RIGHT IN FRONT of the tv (mere inches away) and watch cartoon network with my bowl of yam n beans. Pure distilled joy. And the horrible sadness when NEPA suddenly took light in the middle of Dexter’s laboratory… **sigh.

  9. Naija said,

    Life is interesting. Life is short. A pity many don’t discover what life is all about until they’ve spent 3/4 of it running after shadows. Thanks for sharing this experience.
    It sent me thinking about what was, and what is and what I want the future to be like. Cheers.

  10. Faith said,

    Oh my! What a post! I know exactly what you mean. These days I’m so generally numb, it scares me! lol! Ah,the days of innocence lost…

  11. lucidlilith said,

    Oh my teenage years were so confusing. No one explained ANYTHING to me. No one! Love? Only happened in Mills and Boon.

    • A Witty Fool said,

      @LucidLilitth: I KNOW! dats y I still think dat its not really Love, unless the guy is a leather wearing, Shiek of a deseart country, CEO of his own company, sensitive bad boy. Mills and Boon screwed me up! lol


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