May 4, 2010

Mr. Almost, doesn’t count

Posted in Life as I live it at 7:17 pm by A Witty Fool

I have been a big reader for as long as I can remember. Matter of fact, my earliest memory is of sitting in front of our car garage, on a low bench stool … and my short lil’ legs could still not reach the ground… and reading something.

Thru my most formative years, I spent ALL of my free time reading the only books that where available to me… ROMANCE novels, specifically, the Mills & Boon (which all of you fellow book ‘hags’ will fondly recall and refer to as M&B). M&B made no pretensions, it was what it was, unapologetically romantic ….. with a CAPITAL Romance!

In the M&B universe, the ‘Sheik’ was always, tall, dark, handsome, seductive, sexy, masterful but sensitive, arrogant but sweet and against all odds he always, loved the foreign girl enough to risk his throne and kingdom. The leather wearing, bike riding, bad boy, was also, always tall, dark and handsome, secretly a CEO of his own company, millionaire, who was just passing thru town when fate intervened and brought him to his Soul mate…. the mousy, timid, beautiful-but-doesn’t-know-it librarian.

The sex is always mind blowing,

The guy is always multi-dimensional (example: arrogant, but exhibiting moments of humility and modesty)

Compromises where never made, because love demands ALL or nothing and all was always given.

The guy is always (note I said: ALWAYS) over 6 feet tall, well built, handsome, rich, tough but gentle, with a great sense of humor evident especially in his ability to laugh at himself.

Now, I never read Cinderella, Snow White, or all of them other fairy tales and while I would never claim to be a feminist, I still sneer a bit (ok, a lot) at the idea of a Prince Charming riding in to rescue the damsel in distress. Which is why, I was caught of a bit of guard by my own self yesterday.

 I had been online chatting with a male (married with children) friend of mine, when he accused me of looking for Mr. Perfect, adding that anyone who was looking for the “perfect” partner would end up old and alone, because all we would ever get, was “almost”, so instead of looking for the perfect guy, I should be looking for the guy who was “almost” the right one, because that is the closest that I (or anyone else really) would ever get to it. That is, instead of Mr. tall, dark an handsome, I should be looking for Mr. Almost as tall, a lil’ bit tanned and almost that handsome. Instead of Mr. Romantic, I should accept Mr. At least I get flowers on my birthday, etc… y’all get the idea.

I was thrown because until then, I hadn’t realized just how much my earlier M&B years had influenced and shaped my idea of the man I wanted to marry. ( I turned down a marriage proposal once because he “didn’t do it right” and THAT should have been a hint, but I guess I can be a bit obtuse…. but I digress). I thot about being with my “almost” guy and it completely freaked me out because I realized that I didn’t want him (Mr. Almost). I wanted the leather wearing, motorcycle riding, tall, dark, handsome, rich, arrogant, but humble, stubborn but sweet, infuriating but funny, masterful yet gentle, bad boy, CEO of his own company, self made millionaire, Sheik of his own small desert country, that Mills & Boon promised me!

I mean seriously, does anyone know an ‘almost’ bad boy?

Ok. Ok. My idiot moment has passed. … on to a more serious note. I do know the difference between the M & B universe and the real world which I inhabit and while Johnny Depp is taken (oh cruel, cruel, fate!) is it fair of me (to my self and to the unfortunate Mr. Almost) to settle for Almost? I personally think that settling for “almost” is the #1 reason marriages fail at such an amazing rate nowadays but I guess I have ulterior motives behind making that argument.

For me, the idea of Mr. Almost, implies giving up and/or giving in, surrendering to pressure, time, needs or whatever. If you know what you want and what will make you happy, why aim instead for “almost” right? Who ever waited their whole lives for the man/woman who would make them “almost” happy?

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14 Comments »

  1. B. Casey said,

    I sorry for you oh. “Sheik of his own desert country kor, Olu of Warri ni”.

    I think maybe what your friend meant was that you shouldn’t be too particular, not Mr Almost, more like Mr. Right enough, cuz d truth is no one could possible be ALL OF THE THINGS that you want.
    I too remember M and B, they should be banned! they gave not just you, but ALOT of other women impossible ideas or ideals on men.
    funny blog, enjoyed it.

  2. Mamuje said,

    I had been waiting for what M&B promised me, look where it got me. Alone! Phsieuwww My friend go to warri and look for a man and rear babies jare.

    • A Witty Fool said,

      M’je, Warri men no good oh! I’ll see U in AUchi! hehehehe
      B: Banning M&B, no let some the female Mafia find U come oh! I c Ur point though.

  3. If you have access to a library or have a book buying budget, please run and buy Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. The title is meant to grab your attention and if I had my copy with me I’d loan it to you but I have a waiting list for my own copy of the book. Please read that book. Then we can talk about this idea of Mr. Almost.

    My own belief is that if I am not perfect (and sadly I’m not), I cannot expect perfection in my mate. You should certainly have your non-negotiables but for every non-negotiable, take a moment and ask yourself the following question: “Will this quality that I’m seeking actually affect this man’s ability to be a good partner to me in the long run?” If the answer is no, it shouldn’t be on your list.

    You should be attracted to your partner of course, but physical attraction should not be prioritized over all other qualities: if the guy doesn’t make you want to vomit to look at him, if you think he’s cute but not The Most Handsome Man Alive, to me that’s good enough. The good kind of good enough! True settling or compromise doesn’t make the person doing it feel like they’ve settled.

    • A Witty Fool said,

      I have heard and read about dat book.. (wuz it U dat blogged about it?). I’ma jump on d very first copy I see. I think I need it…. and prayers too.! LOL

  4. kay9 said,

    I was really amping up to leave one long dissertation, but alas GNG has taken the words outta my mouth. Babe, nobody is perfect – and neither are you; what then is your justification for wanting a guy who does it “exactly right”? Do you do it “exactly right”? Think about it.

  5. Femme Lounge said,

    what? turned down a proposal just cos he didnt do it right?

    its good to have standards when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, and
    i would say don’t compromise on what you know you can never live with, but at the same time one has to be realistic about expectations because after all said and done we are all humans, ever learning, ever growing, never perfect.

  6. Myne Whitman said,

    I prefer the term Mr Right. He might not be perfect cos no one is but he is just right for you.

  7. Daylight said,

    Whether you admit it or not, your absorbence of those M&B-like stories may have had an effect on you no matter how subliminal. You’re the only one who can reduce or remove the effect.
    Truth is, there is no exact M&B type of man; close maybe but not total. So, open your eyes and like, Whitman said, go for Mr. Right and not Mr. Perfect because even you are not perfect. You’re simply ‘right’ for another man.

  8. Doll said,

    Wor @ GNG!

    When your Mr. Right comes, he may not be perfect, he may not tick off everything on that your list but i believe you will know that he is not Mr. almost

  9. Faith said,

    Girlfriend you are tripping! Turned down a marriage proposal cos he didn’t do it quite right? lol!

    I see what you’re trying to say but there’s a difference between deciding to marry someone who isn’t exactly perfect but “right” for you and “settling”.

    So, I go with Doll on this one, “Mr. Right may not be perfect but you will know that he is not Mr. Almost”

  10. lucidlilith said,

    Mills and Boon ruined my love life.

  11. amen said,

    my love when you find mr right call me. there is a bit of wisdom coming from you friend who is MARRIED. mr right does not have to be perfect,cos there is nothing like that.


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